Busy Day!

So I had an extremely busy day on Monday! I went to the medicaid office, childcare resources, the health clinic and the food stamp office. I felt like I needed to take a bath in Lysol by the time I got home! I am not trying to talk bad about any of this but you have to realize all of this is completely inner city and has all walks of life at them! I have never felt so out of place in my whole entire life! I am however completely grateful that these programs exist and can help me and the boys! I just wish the people that work at these places were a little nicer! I know they have to deal with all kinds of crap but couldn't they just put on a smile and pretend they like their job? I am just in limbo now waiting to see if we get approved for anything I have applied for! I'll keep you posted!

Lovely!

Guess, who decided not to come? Your right! He emailed and said that since I need to chaperone his visit with the boys it is impossible for him to come. He also said he wouldn't be giving the boys their things. He told me it is no one's fault but my own that they will not be receiving the things he bought them. I told him if he didn't want to send it then so be it! I also told him in the email that I am done communicating with him if its going to be like this every time!

I just can't handle the constant anger and blame against me for everything! I just don't see where he gets off thinking this is all MY fault! I really think his mom and girlfriend have just totally brainwashed him into believing that. At this point I wish it would have been my fault then it would probably be a thousand times easier to handle and deal with!

Lately

Things have been ok lately! We haven't seen POS since June 28th but he said he is coming on Tuesday. I have told him that until our divorce is finalized he cannot see the boys by himself. I don't feel I am being unreasonable because he is lying to me about everything and he seems to be so angry every time I speak to him on the phone. He still has no job and I am not even sure he is applying for jobs. He thinks by putting his resume out there someone will come along and snatch him up! If only that would happen and soon. Sitting here writing this I can't even think of what to write. I am trying to block so much out lately that when I want to think about it and jot it down, it won't come to me. Although, 3am seems to be when I can do nothing but think about everything.

The boys are doing well. They are loving being with my family so much and it has helped them tremendously.

I did have to stop my therapy though since we are without insurance. That has hurt! It was really helping to put everything into perspective.

I get to go to the medicaid office tomorrow and turn in some paperwork! Yahoo! I never ever thought I would ever have to do this but I am so thankful it is there and I can get help when I need it the most!