Busy Day!

So I had an extremely busy day on Monday! I went to the medicaid office, childcare resources, the health clinic and the food stamp office. I felt like I needed to take a bath in Lysol by the time I got home! I am not trying to talk bad about any of this but you have to realize all of this is completely inner city and has all walks of life at them! I have never felt so out of place in my whole entire life! I am however completely grateful that these programs exist and can help me and the boys! I just wish the people that work at these places were a little nicer! I know they have to deal with all kinds of crap but couldn't they just put on a smile and pretend they like their job? I am just in limbo now waiting to see if we get approved for anything I have applied for! I'll keep you posted!

Lovely!

Guess, who decided not to come? Your right! He emailed and said that since I need to chaperone his visit with the boys it is impossible for him to come. He also said he wouldn't be giving the boys their things. He told me it is no one's fault but my own that they will not be receiving the things he bought them. I told him if he didn't want to send it then so be it! I also told him in the email that I am done communicating with him if its going to be like this every time!

I just can't handle the constant anger and blame against me for everything! I just don't see where he gets off thinking this is all MY fault! I really think his mom and girlfriend have just totally brainwashed him into believing that. At this point I wish it would have been my fault then it would probably be a thousand times easier to handle and deal with!

Lately

Things have been ok lately! We haven't seen POS since June 28th but he said he is coming on Tuesday. I have told him that until our divorce is finalized he cannot see the boys by himself. I don't feel I am being unreasonable because he is lying to me about everything and he seems to be so angry every time I speak to him on the phone. He still has no job and I am not even sure he is applying for jobs. He thinks by putting his resume out there someone will come along and snatch him up! If only that would happen and soon. Sitting here writing this I can't even think of what to write. I am trying to block so much out lately that when I want to think about it and jot it down, it won't come to me. Although, 3am seems to be when I can do nothing but think about everything.

The boys are doing well. They are loving being with my family so much and it has helped them tremendously.

I did have to stop my therapy though since we are without insurance. That has hurt! It was really helping to put everything into perspective.

I get to go to the medicaid office tomorrow and turn in some paperwork! Yahoo! I never ever thought I would ever have to do this but I am so thankful it is there and I can get help when I need it the most!

Happy Day!

Not! Today is my 7th Wedding Anniversary! Hip Hip Hooray ! :) Ok, gag me with a spoon! I have been dreading this day for weeks! I just don't know what to do or think or say today. My day started off wonderful at midnight last night when I was talking to POS because he decided at 11pm to let me know he would be coming to get the boys today. Then of course he had to be mean and rude and get me all kinds of upset so I was crying. Then this morning I texted him to let him know he could not come see the boys because I just didn't want to face him today plus the boys are doing great and I don't want them upset again. Well, at first he was ok then about 20 minutes later he called yelling and screaming at me calling me a Bitch and then hanging up on me. I am sure he called his mommy and she got him all mad at me and that is when he called me. He cannot think by himself I have always had to do it and now his mom and his girlfriend are doing the thinking for him! Anyway, I am doing better than I thought. No crying and I didn't even get upset by the name calling. I am just coming to the realization that I am over him and need to move on. I am mourning the relationship and stability but not him. I cannot wait till I am legally free of him and can start all over! Hopefully that will be soon! Thanks for reading!

good thoughts

Please send good thoughts my way as I am heading to the apt. tomorrow to start packing up my life! I will be there for about 4-5 days depending on how long it takes to pack it up! POS will be there during the day but is staying somewhere else at night. He is being totally uncooperative so I am sure I will be stressed to the max once I return from there. At least the boys and I will get to see our friends we are missing so much. Pray for us on our return trip it will be me the boys and a uhaul!

!!!!!

So, I found out yesterday that our Insurance ended the day POS was termintated! So, isn't that just wonderful! I asked him what he planned on doing and he said "I don't know, what do you want me to do?" I said I don't care if you have to get a job at McDonald's- we need insurance! He said "I am NOT doing that!" So, now I am not sure what we are going to do. I am trying to find a job with benefits but that takes time and there will be a waiting period! I don't even want to know what is going to happen next!!!

Will the s*** ever end?

Guess who was FIRED on Friday? You guessed correctly- POS! Isn't that just great! He gave me some sob story about why he was fired but it's totally not true! He was fired for having a relationship with a co-worker. How could he be so stupid? Now we have insurance for only 30 days, he has lost his upcoming bonus and lost his stock options because he would not be vested until October. So he lost about $40,000! Now, I definitely won't be getting anything from him for a while! I just do not understand what the hell has happened to him. How can you change that much in such a short period of time. I honestly think he needs HELP! I am not letting him see the boys without me for a while until I feel he is stable again. If things don't change I am also going to seek Full Custody. I just can't risk anything happening to my boys! Keep us in your prayers, we definitely need them!